bill // water group

[kiwi]

Name: bill

Age: 1 years

Rank: hatchling

Gender: male

Appearance: He has green eyes and has blue wings. He have rainbow scales and 2 feet. He also has is blind on one eye. Last, he is very short, about 2 feet tall.

Personality: He is a very shy dragon. He doesn't like to talk but he likes to read all the time. He also likes to think a lot. Finally, he likes to sleep.

History: His mom and dad were both battlers. They fought in the civil war. He also has 2 older sisters. His egg was very unique with diamonds no it. His older sisters are also fighting in the war. He fell in the lake and that's how he was blind on one eye.

Rp Sample: Bill was sleeping in his little nest until he fell in the lake by accident and hats how he lost his eye.

Extras: Have any comments or concerns about your character? Post here.

[wildstar]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........................*blink,blink*

[Lostsoul]

Ok - a few things.

1 - Grammar and spelling is wrong
2 - There are no books so he can't read
3 - There was no civil war
4 - His egg can't have diamonds in it - it makes him omnipotent to others, in a way
5 - With the basic time flow around here, i would suspect that he was atleast 3-5 before he could walk, and stumble into the lake
6 - It doesn't seem possible to become blind in 1 eye from falling in some water
7 - Your paragraphs in describing him are very straight-foward, and put like a list. Please turn this into flowing sentences somehow.
8 - Your RP example needs to be longer and have many flowing sentences in.
9 - I believe you need to change your name, since it is human, and because using real peoples' names may cause arguements in future.

To get this accepted you need to complete each of these tasks - unless someone corrects me.

I would also advise you to seek some help from an RP tutor like WildStar, here.